Love is watching someone die
by Goo82
Summary: Life has dealt Edward and Bella their fair share of problems, but just as they begin to get their marriage back on track tragedy strikes. What happens when the only love you have ever known may be taken away? Will the guilt and memories tear you apart?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Okay everyone, this is my new story. This is what is going to happen. Each Chapter will start out in the present at the hospital, then it will switch to an important memory in the life of Edward and Bella together. This will continue until there are no longer memories needed cause we arrive to present day. I hope that makes sense, if you have questions.. please ask away.. I am more then happy to answer.**

**This story was inspired by the song What Sarah Said by Death Cab for Cutie.**

**As always my amazing Beta Ereeen is helping and will be joined by Birdee this time. So clap clap clap for them.**

**I do not own the characters, just the idea**

**Carry On**

_**EPOV**_

I stepped into the bright white hallway of Seattle Memorial Hospital. Doctor Willis, and older, balding gentlemen, followed close behind me and closed the door once he was out of the room.

I leaned up against the wall to support my tired, aching body. I couldn't tell you the last time I slept. I lifted my hands to my face and rubbed them vigorously against my cheeks and eyes, trying to wake myself up.

The doctor cleared his throat.

"Mr. Cullen, we've done everything possible. There just isn't anything left to try. She is deteriorating at such a rapid rate, that it is only a matter of time. I'm very sorry." He said looking grave.

My throat felt as though it was closing up. I brought the back of my hand to my mouth feeling as though I may be sick as tears began to burn my eyes.

"H-How much time?" I was barley able to croak out.

He gave a heavy sigh and placed his hand on my shoulder.

"If she has loved ones who aren't here and need time to arrive, I would call them now. There isn't much time left, son." The Doctor answered, trying to give me a comforting squeeze.

My chin started to tremble and the water in my eyes stung until they flowed down my face.

"I'm so very sorry."

I simply nodded, unable to work my voice. He gave my shoulder another squeeze then turned, leaving me to melt-down in private.

My feet gave out from underneath me and I slide down the wall unable to hold myself up. I threaded my fingers into my hair, clenching my fist and pulling. I was hoping the pain would focus there instead of my dying heart.

I couldn't lose her. I could not survive that. Everything was finally perfect when this happened. Our story wasn't over, this couldn't be the end. I thought of all the things she would miss; all the time we had wasted.

This couldn't happen now.

Bella was going to die, and there wasn't a thing I could do to stop it. Her body was laying in a hospital bed, left fragile and thin from the illness ravishing her body. She looked like the mere shell of the girl that I fell in love with. her beautiful brown hair was thinning, her beautiful brown eyes now rested sunken and surrounded by dark shadows, her soft porcelain skin seemed to hang from her frail bones.

I couldn't take this. I couldn't watch my only love die.

--

It was freshman orientation at the University of Washington. As a returning student and a active member of the Kappa Tau fraternity, it was our job to be some what of a welcoming committee for the incoming students.

We were stationed at the freshman dorms and would be helping the new students find their rooms, then take groups of them out for a tour of the campus and letting them know about life here at UW.

I was standing in front of Walton hall when I spotted my group of friends making their way down the hill towards me.

Emmett, Jasper, and Rosalie were also part of the welcoming committee.

We had all met last year at our freshman orientation.

Jasper and I were roommates and Emmett shared a connecting bathroom with us. He was rooming with a guy named Mike Newton, a little weasel of a guy who thought he was a ladies man and better then everyone.

Jasper was a good-looking guy, tall and somewhat built like a soccer player. He sported a head of shaggy blonde hair. He and I shared a great interest in history and music, so we hit it off right away. He was the perfect roommate; always so considerate of everyone, so calm in almost every situation.

Emmett was nothing like Jasper and I. He was this huge beast of a guy who looked like at any moment, would be capable of a serious bout of 'roid rage. But it wasn't until you got to talk to him and got past his size, that you found him to be nothing more then a huge prankster, a teddy bear so to say. You always knew when Emmett was around. His booming laughter could be heard from miles away.

We had been talked into pledging for a fraternity after a party one night. It wasn't really the type of thing Jasper and I were into, but Emmett begged us to at least rush with him and see what it was all about.

In the end, we were all glad we did. We accepted bids to the Kappa Tau's, and were now brothers for life. It all seemed strangely perfect.

We meet Rosalie, Emmett's human version of a Barbie doll of a girlfriend, during rush week. She too was a freshman and attached herself to our group once she got sight of Emmett. She accepted a bid to our sister sorority, Sigma Alpha Epsilon.

Joining gave us all one thing in common, but after having time to get to know each other, we all bonded over our common interests.

Rose was amazing. she was one of the guys when it came to sports and car talk. She just fit in. We never had to treat her any different because she held her own.

They had finally reached me, and Emmett looked like he was dead on his feet.

"Who ever made the rule that we had to do this move-in and tour thing should be shot." He complained as they came to a stop in front of me. He rested his head on Rose's shoulders.

"Oh shut up, now you know why our guides last year were so eager to get rid of us." Rose said elbowing him in his side, causing him to jump.

"Oh it will be fun! We get all the scared little incoming freshman to play with." Jasper added with a mischievous grin.

"Just think of all the fresh meat." Emmett perked up suddenly, visions of scantily clad freshman running amok in his mind, I'm sure.

That earned him a smack in the head from Rose.

"Well, we have activities planned all this week, you all know that. We have to keep them entertained until classes start." Which was true, but I remembered the activities last year were kind of fun. It gave us the chance to meet new people. The friends I had now wouldn't be in my life if not for the awkwardly forced fun.

"That is true, that should at least be entertaining." Emmett said, rubbing the place Rose had got him.

Just then, the resident advisor for the dorm came and handed us sheets with the names of the kids in our section. The dorm was a four floor building split off into four wings. The wing we were in charge of was the Walton wing.

Emmett and Rose had the kids with the last names A-M, and Jasper and I finished the list of N-Z kids.

Move-in was from eight am until two pm, followed by the tour of campus.

Today was going to be a bitch.

It was getting close to two now and the crowd of newcomers had started to dwindle down.

I was thankful.

I was sitting at the front desk taking a much needed break from running up and down four flights of stairs all day. Jasper was currently showing a pixie- like girl with black hair to her new room. I had laughed as he lead the way for her and her parents. She practically bounced the whole way right next to Jasper, talking his ear off. She wasn't even on our list. He had to find Emmett and Rose to get her room info. The girl had come up to him and merely said she wanted him to show her to her room and Jasper was in such shock at how forward she was, that he just went along with it.

I was now resting my head on my hands, letting out a loud yawn when I heard the most beautiful voice I had ever heard.

"Excuse me, is this where I check in for my room?" The voice sang to me.

My head snapped up and I was met with the most beautiful chocolate eyes I had ever seen. This girl was absolutely stunning. She wore a ratty high school track hoodie and a pair of khaki shorts. Her long brown hair, that almost matched her eyes, was pulled back into a loose ponytail. She had the type of skin that looked like it would be the softest thing in the world to touch, and it was a beautiful porcelain shade.

I don't know how long I sat there taking in ever single one of her beautiful features, or how long my mouth had been hanging open, but she cleared her throat and waved her hand in front of my face trying to get my attention.

"Umm, are you okay? I am at the right place to check in, right?" She asked, her brows knitted together. A slow blush rising on her cheeks.

I swooned.

"Umm, yeah. This is where you check in," I was stammering like a fool in front of her._ Get it together, Edward_. "Name?" I asked trying to get back on track.

"Isabella Swan, it could be under Bella Swan." She said biting her lower lip.

I did a mini victory dance in my head. I had the S's and I would get to show her to her room. I located her name on the list and saw that she was on the third floor, room three-twenty-four.

"Alright, if you wanna get your parents I will show you to your room and give you your checklist."

"Actually, it's just me. My dad's a cop and there was an emergency this morning, so I am here by myself." She said smiling, but it didn't reach her eyes.

"Oh, well, how are you going to get all your stuff upstairs?" She would be stuck moving the rest of the day. I couldn't let that happen.

"It shouldn't be a problem. Just a few more trips then I had planned." She shrugged casually.

"Nonsense. I'll help you. Is your car out front?"

She nodded shyly.

"Alright, well, let me show you your room and then we can go get your things," I said as I stood up and stretched.

"You really don't have to do that…"

"No problem! It's what I'm here for." I said with a smile.

"Well, thanks…Oh, I don't know your name?"

"Sorry, my name is Edward, Edward Cullen." I extended a hand to her.

I wasn't expecting the shock that ripped through my body when our skin made contact. I could tell she felt it as well. Her eyes were wide and she turned blood red. It wasn't a painful shock, but one that set everything in motion; my purpose in life. I hade found her. She was the one. This was the girl that I would marry one day.

"Sorry, I must have built up some static somewhere." She apologized as she brushed a tendril of hair that had fallen from her pony tail behind her ear.

"Don't worry about it. How about we check out your room?" I found her room key on the hook in the box and grabbed it.

"Sure,"

We headed up the stairs past parents bringing down empty boxes of mini fridges and microwave.

We reached the third floor landing and I opened the door for her as she stepped in and waited for me to lead the way.

We moved past the open doors of the girl's floor. New kids were talking to their roommates or people that were across the hall from them, and it brought back a strange familiar feeling of my first year.

We arrived at her door and it was already standing open. Her roommate must already be here. I knocked and called, "Roommate delivery service" and the pixie girl that hand bounced so merrily next to Jasper popped out from the other side of the room.

"Oh goodie!" she squealed clapped her hands together, then ran toward us at top speed. "My roomie is here!"

"Oh no. A hyper one. You can't leave me with her," Bella whispered, grabbing my shirt and pulling herself close to me. The contact sent shivers down my spine.

"Isabella Swan, I'm Alice Brandon! I am so happy to meet you! Oh my God, we are going to be such great friends! I have always wanted a sister! I am an only child and…" Alice Brandon continued to drone on.

"Shit, and she talks in exclamations…" Bella sighed under her breath. I had to suppress a laugh.

"Okay, Alice. Let the girl in her room," Jasper said standing behind her. I gave him a questioning look. Why was he still in here with her? He responded with a, "later" look.

Bella was still attached to me and she looked up and mouthed the words, "Help me!" and I tried to hold back the laughter that was attempting to escape.

"Okay, well, Bella needs help getting things from her car, so we will be back in a few." I said and grabbed hold of Bella's arm and walked back down the hallway.

"That girl is going to be a hand full." Bella laughed.

"I'd say! I won't always be there to protect you though. What are you going to do when you're alone?" I teased and pushed my shoulder against hers playfully.

"Oh god, I don't even want to think about it." She smiled and buried her face into her hands.

We chatted the entire time I helped her move her things. We talked about her major and mine, then things like favorite books and movies. We also discussed where we grew up, and the friends that we left behind.

Before we knew it, everything was upstairs and she was on her way to move her car to the student parking lot. I offered to come with her so I could walk her back to her room.

When that was done and we were standing outside her door, I got this feeling like I didn't want to be apart from her. Not even for a moment.

"Well, thanks so much for helping me today. It was really sweet of you," Bella crooned while looking up from behind her lashes.

My breath caught it my throat. She was so beautiful.

"Would you like to go out with me sometime?" I blurted out suddenly without thinking. I mentally smacked myself. "I'm sorry that was kind of-" but she cut me of with the most wonderful word in the English dictionary.

"Yes-yes!" She smiled as she bit her lower lip again. "I would love to go out with you."

"Really?" I was a little shocked.

"Yes, really." She smiled broadly at me.

"That's great!" I cleared my throat to clear it of the high pitch. "When?" God, Edward, could you look anymore desperate?

"Well, I would guess whenever you were free. I really don't have any plans to do anything. Hold on," She ran back into her room and I did a quick fist pump. Soon, she came back out and handed me a piece of paper with her cell number, email address, and instant messenger name.

"Call me, email me, pm me…anything that is easier for you, I guess. I've pretty much covered all the bases." She said blushing.

"Alright, well, I guess I'll see you for the campus tour." I smiled stupidly as I felt my heart soar. I really wanted to spend more time with her. I hoped she would be in my group.

"Sure, I guess I'll see you downstairs in a few then."

I watched as she gave me a small wave goodbye, then I turned and ran down the hallway.

Once I reached the front desk again, I saw Jasper, Emmett, and Rose chatting.

I plopped into a chair and let out a much needed sigh. I couldn't help but smile.

"What's with you?" Rose asked, raising one of her perfectly manicured eyebrows at me.

"I just met the woman I'm going to marry." I couldn't stop smiling. My face was starting to hurt.

"Who? Alice's roommate?" Jasper asked.

"Who's Alice?" Rose asked, looking at Jasper now.

"Just the last girl I showed to her room."

"Oh, you mean the one that requested that you be the one to show her to her room?"

Jasper grimaced an blushed slightly.

"So apparently freshman move-in day has been very good to both of you." Said Rose, nudging us both in the legs with the tips of her shoes.

"So when do we get to meet the future, Mrs. Cullen?" Emmett asked as he reached over and ruffled my hair. I shot him a glare.

"She is doing the tour, so I'm hoping that she will be in my group so I can talk to her more. But I asked her out, and she said yes." I felt myself grinning again.

"Wow, way to not waste time, Edward." Emmett laughed. "What about you Jazz? Did you already ask your girl out?"

"No, she actually asked me out." Jasper mumbled and ran a hand a cross his chest pretending to scratch it.

"Hah! Wow, that is one girl who knows what she wants, Jasper. You better watch out!" Rose laughed and nudged him again.

We continued to chat a little more as the hour went on. We had a few last minute move-ins, but it was time to start the tours.

We were staying in pairs so that we could handle a larger crowd, and while one explained things around the campus, the other one was there to answer any questions.

Soon the lobby of the dorm was filled with eager students ready to get out and do something now that their parents had said their goodbyes.

I searched the crowd waiting for Bella. Every time I saw a flash of brown hair, I stretched on my toes to see if it was her, only to be let down that it wasn't.

I was just about to get the tour moving, when I glanced over and froze. Mike Newton, a Phi Sig and my old suite mate, was chatting with Bella. She was laughing and joking around with him. I don't know where it came from, but a sudden pang of jealously hit me. I couldn't stomach seeing her flirt with another guy like that, and especially not the vile Mike Newton.

The guy was a pig.

He leaned down and whispered something in her ear and she smiled. My vision went red. I wanted to walk over to them, pick her up, throw her over my shoulder, and yell, "MINE!" But I am pretty sure that she wouldn't have been too pleased with that stunt.

Time came for the tours to officially start and my heart dropped and the jealousy faded into disappointment as I assumed she was going to stick with Mike's group. I motioned to Jasper to take the lead as I trailed to the back of our line to answer any questions. I didn't feel like talking anymore.

We made it out of the doors and started to head up the hill to the actual buildings that held classrooms, when I felt an arm slide through mine. Shocked, I stopped and looked down and met a smiling Bella.

"Hey, Sorry, I almost missed the group. That would have sucked," She laughed.

I tried to smile back at her but my foul mood wasn't helping.

"What's wrong? Are you okay?" She asked, her brows knitted together in concern.

"I'm fine." I answered, still pouting.

She stopped while still attached to my arm, which caused me to stop as well.

"We're going to lose the group, you know," I said, pointing to them as they moved farther away from us.

"Umm, you go here. I'm sure we won't get lost. Now, why don't you tell me the cause of the dramatic mood change since I last saw you? Did something bad happen?"

"No, it's stupid. can we just go?"

"No, please tell me. You look really upset,"

"I'm just upset with myself because I'm overreacting."

"To what, may I ask?"

"You're going to think I'm crazy."

"Why?"

"Because it is crazy for me to be acting like this,"

"Like what?"

"Upset for the reason I am upset." I was growing slightly annoyed. Why did she ask so many questions, it's not like she was a journalism major.

"Edward, I have no idea what you're talking about,"

"I know, it's probably better that way. You'll just think I am a loser if I told you." I kicked at the dirt beneath us and heaved a sigh.

"Edward, I could never think you were a loser."

"Want to bet?"

"Sure." Bella squared her shoulders and forced me to look into her determined eyes.

"I saw you with Mike and it made me jealous. The idea of you talking to him makes me sick. He is disgusting and a creep, and you seemed to like him. I don't even really know you, and I know I have no claim on you and you're free to talk to whoever you want, but I wanted to be the one talking to you and making you smile." I whined like a four year old.

She looked up at me wide-eyed. Great. Any minute now, she was going to freak and think I was going to start stalking her.

She looked as if she was deciding on something. She chewed on the side of her bottom lip, then out of no where she threw herself at me.

I stumbled back, trying to prevent myself from falling over, but it was too late. My ass made contact with the grass next to the sidewalk and Bella, still attached to me, fell on top of me. Before I could ask her why she did that, her lips were on mine.

She had positioned herself so she was straddling my waist. Her lips, oh god her soft lips, moved against mine. Her tongue darted out to trace my bottom lip and I granted her access. She tasted like nothing I had ever experienced before in my life. A mix of honey and mint. She was intoxicating.

I ran my hands up her arms to her neck, where I locked my fingers together so that I could hold her there without letting her go.

She continued to deepen the kiss and, embarrassingly enough in public, I was getting excited.

Soon enough, I heard the booming laughter of someone who could not be mistaken for anyone else.

I froze.

There was a clearing of a throat, and I knew where Emmett and Rose would be. Still holding Bella's head, I took a peak around her to see Emmett biting his bottom lip and turning red from trying not to laugh anymore, and Rose had her hands crossed over her chest and her eyes narrowed. It was the, "I'm trying to be an authority figure" look. I could tell she was holding back a smile.

Behind them was a group of freshman students who were wide-eyed and snickering.

"So, you must be Bella," Emmett said, extending his hand to her. Bella was blood red now as she turned to accept his hand. "I'm Emmett and this is my girlfriend Rose. We're this loser's friends." Emmett laughed and gestured towards me.

"Umm…nice to meet you," Bella went to stand up, but I grabbed her hips to stop her.

"Please wait until they leave. I'm having a little issue here," I whispered. I could almost hear what I meant click in her head and she slapped her hand to her mouth, turning even more red then I thought possible, then let out a chuckle.

"OH!" She whispered back with a sly smile.

Emmett must have caught on to why we didn't get up from the current position once caught and could no longer hold back the laughter.

"Ugh, come on guys! Oart of this tour is not sex education!" Rose called, pulling Emmett next to her as she lead the group of laughing freshman.

Once they were out of sight, I slowly sat up holding her close to me.

"What was that? Don't get me wrong, that was, well, wow. But, why?"

"I couldn't think of any other way to prove to you that Mike definitely holds no interest to me. You're the only one I see." Bella shrugged smiling.

"You don't even know me. Maybe once you see your options…" She placed a finger on my lips, silencing me.

"From the moment I saw you I felt something. You're like no one I have ever been around. I know you felt it too when we touched. It was like finding my other half. I don't need other options, you're the only one I see."

"It's the same for me, but I didn't want to tell you or assume anything because I didn't want to scare you."

"Oh I am scared, but in a good way. It's exciting. I've never felt this before."

"Yeah…" I agreed.

I looked into her dark chocolate eyes and was in utter shock that I could have truly found my soul mate, the one I was to be with for the rest of my life.

I leaned forward this time capturing her lips with mine. She wrapped her arms around my neck and we picked up where we had left off. Once again, little Eddie made an appearance and we thought that it was best to call it a night and not tempt each other too much.

We knew we wouldn't be able to stop once we started.

I walked her back to her room. we stayed there chatting and getting her things set up. Once we were done, we decided to order some pizza and hang out. I didn't have anything to do until tomorrow and although I felt bad about leaving Jasper to fend for himself with the group, he would understand when I talked to him.

Time passed and soon enough both of us had drifted off to sleep, my arms wrapped around her.

I was woken up by a small musical girl's voice saying, "Awww, Jazz, look how adorable they are!"

My eyes fluttered open and I looked at Bella cuddled up to me and smiled lazily. Once I could focus, I looked for the source of the noise and I saw Alice and Jasper standing there.

Alice was clapping her hands together silently and Jasper had a smirk on his face as he shook his head from side to side.

"Sorry I bailed on you man. Something came up," I hoped he wouldn't be angry with me once I explained what happened.

"Hmm, I'm sure it did, Edward." He teased.

"Not that…well…no, I don't mean…never mind, Jasper. I'll talk to you when we get home." Man, I a bumbling mess today.

"Are you coming back to the house with me now?" He asked.

"I guess I should," I said pouting a little. I turned to Bella and lightly gave her shoulders a shake. "Bella, I have to go home. Bella, you want to say goodbye?"

"Hmmm," She moaned as she started to wake up.

"I have to go home now, but I'll be back in the morning. you know for the activities and all."

"Oh," she popped up from her laying position. " Oh, I'm sorry! I kept you here so long,"

"It was my pleasure." I said with a smile and kissed her forehead lightly.

I noticed Alice and Jasper had left the room to give us some privacy.

"Will you call me when you get home to let me know you made it there in one piece? She asked me, looking up from underneath her lashes.

"Of course," I leaned forward placing a chaste kiss on her lips. "I'll see you tomorrow."

She stood and wrapped her arms around me in a hug as we made our way to the door.

I leaned in whispering into her ear, " I miss you already." before giving her a kiss on the cheek and headed out the door.

Jasper was standing with Alice, and once they spotted me, Alice placed a kiss on his cheek and hopped past me into her room.

"What was that about?" I asked, taking in Jasper's goofy smile. I wore the same goofy grin.

"I have a date. She is perfect, Edward. It's like I've been waiting for that girl my whole life."

"I know what you mean," I really knew exactly what he meant, because it was just how I felt about Bella.

On the ride home, we talked about our day, sharing little things about the two amazing girls we had met.

Once I was back to the frat house and I was in my room, I picked up my phone and the paper Bella had given me with all the ways to contact her and dialed her number.

She sounded as if she were trying to go back to sleep after I left.

"I am just calling to tell you know that I made it home in one piece." I smiled, mimicking her words.

"I'm glad you're alright."

"Okay sleepy head, you're about to pass out on the phone. I'll see you tomorrow. Sweet Dreams, Bella."

"Night, Edward." I heard her fumble with the phone to close it.

Tonight I would be having amazing dreams of her.

That day started the most important relationship I would ever have, the relationship with my future wife, my soul mate. That day forward, we were always together and never apart unless classes or duties called for it. It was just too painful to be separated from your other half and that was something neither of us ever wanted to experience.

**A/N: So what do you think?? all is well?? yes**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thanks for the amazing response to this story's first chapter. A lot have begged me not to kill Bella.. and I really can't change it cause of how the story is set to go. But she will be alive for a while.**

**Thanks to Ereen for the Beta.. she had to deal with Gustav and a broken leg but still did this.. she is amazing.**

**The song playing when Bella is dancing is Untouched by The Veronicas.**

**I do not own Twilight**

**Carry On...**

BPOV

The repetitive beeping of the monitor next to the bed that made me aware that my heart was still beating was grating on my last nerve. The fact that I could barley move my arms because they were so weak was a big enough problem, but the tubes that were attached to me made a sick tugging feeling that caused me to gag every time I attempted to lift them.

I watched though a medicated haze as the doctor followed Edward out into the hallway. The fact that they couldn't talk about it in front of me, made well aware that the information couldn't be good.

However it was unnecessary for them to hide it from me.

I knew I was dying, I wasn't stupid. I saw it in their eyes.

There had to be no hope left.

Before I got to this point, the nurses and doctors would smile and joke around with me. They would try to keep a positive attitude around me, so as not to worry me.

There was none of that now.

No pretending, no smiling or optimistic attitude.

No hope.

So here I lay, in this uncomfortable hospital bed, with these generic sheets rubbing my skin raw, tubes connecting me to a vast array of electronic equipment, no longer able to bathe or feed myself, or use the bathroom by myself for that matter.

I should have realized sooner.

I shouldn't have allowed other false hopes to effect me.

But the thought of leaving the ones I loved and cared for, scared the shit out of me. I didn't want to go, it was too soon, I hadn't had enough time with them.

I wanted more time.

The tears began to sting my eyes, and I felt like I was choking, the lump in my throat was becoming so painful and impossible to swallow down.

I wasn't ready.

I needed more time, I needed them to know that I loved them, that they meant everything to me.

Did they know?

I didn't want them to remember me like this, sick and dying and looking like shit.

I wanted them to remember me like I was before this.

They had to remember me.

For him.

For her.

* * *

I in general was never a lucky person, good things never really happened to me, they happened to everyone else, just not me.

But, since I arrived at college I couldn't believe my luck.

I had met an amazing guy, my roommate, it turned out, was not as psycho as I first thought her to be, my classes were all perfect.

Life couldn't get any better.

Okay, well that was a lie.

Edward and I spent almost every waking moment together, well every moment that wasn't already spent on school.

We ate breakfast, lunch and dinner together, had movie nights, hung out with friends.

We were inseparable.

Problem was, he hadn't asked me to be his girlfriend.

I kept trying to tell myself that it didn't matter, that it was just a silly title, but when I learned that Jasper had asked Alice I was wondering if there was something wrong. Maybe everything wasn't as I thought it had been.

That maybe Edward saw me as a really good best friend, a best friend he occasionally kissed.

By occasionally I mean it was very rare.

I was okay with it at first, thinking he was trying to make me comfortable, and didn't want to rush things. I though maybe that he wasn't sure how I felt about him, even though I thought I had made that perfectly clear when I attacked him and shoved my tongue down his throat and dry humped him in front of his friends and an group of freshman.

But as each day ended and the question still never came, I started to get a little more pissed off.

Alice told me to just suck it up and ask him.

I thought about it on numerous occasions, but I was too much of a chicken. I thought what if he didn't like me like that, that maybe he was just a very affectionate friend. I didn't want to make him feel weird, I liked having him around. If friends was all he wanted, then friends was what we would be.

Didn't make me any less confused though.

I mean I knew I had made my feelings very clear, and I know that he liked me, I mean he got jealous the very first day we met over Mike.

What friend does that.

I decided that I would just let it go for now.

It was Friday and apparently Edward's fraternity was holding a huge party and Alice and I were going to be heading over there in a bit.

"Oh Bella, you have to let me help you get ready." Alice said digging through her closet and mine trying to find an outfit.

"Umm, Alice, I think I will be fine dressing myself." I said to her as I was checking my email.

"Come on Bella, it'll be fun, just this once. I promise not to push it again. Let's sex you up, Edward won't know what hit him, then maybe he'll get off his pansy ass and finally make it official." She said as she bounced over to me, quickly putting on her puppy dog face.

"Alice, I don't think dressing me up to look like someone I'm not is going to make Edward want to be my boyfriend." Her logic never made sense to me.

"Bella, I know guys. Guys are first and foremost visual creature. We dress you up, looking killer and he won't be able to not make you his."

"Alice, really it isn't -" She cut me off

"Please Bella, just let me do this, just this once. If it doesn't work you can give me a big fat told ya so." She jutted out he lower lip and batted her lashes.

"Ugh, fine Alice, just this once. I am holding you to it."

The little pixie launched herself at me knocking my back into the wall squealing like I just presented her with a brand new car.

"Oh Bella, you're going to look even more beautiful then you normally do! Now, lets get started!" She grabbed my hand and pulled me into the bathroom to begin her torture session.

After what seemed like hours, and I had officially been plucked, squeezed, scrubbed, painted and god knows what else, Alice pointed me to the mirror in our bathroom to show off her finished product.

"Tada!" Alice did her best Vanna White impression.

I was speechless.

My long normally wavy hair had been curled and then Alice had run her fingers through it causing big beautiful waves to cascade down my back. She kept the make-up light, a little shadow to make my eyes to pop, some mascara, and blush on the apples of my cheeks, a light gloss on my lips.

I was beautiful.

The outfit she chose was a pair charcoal colored shorts that I had seen before as the latest Hollywood trend. The top was sleeveless, had an empire waist and the hem stopped a little bit bellow my waist, it was white with little gold flecks around the low scooped neckline, and a black pair of ballet flats were thrown in and I was done.

"Alice, I love it. Thank you." I said as I turned, checking myself out in the mirror.

"I know right, I'm just pretty much amazing." She said grabbing her purse. "Now lest go watch Eddie boy drool."

We locked up and decided to just walk there, fraternity row was on the other side of campus but there was really no point in driving there, we would never find parking with a party going on.

By the time we arrived at the party, I was glad Alice hadn't tried to talk me into heels, that would have been a disaster, I had tripped a numerous amount of times on flats just on the way there.

As we entered the crowded house I immediately searched for Edward. As I scanned the crowed for his bronze hair I spotted Emmett and Rosalie and they gave Alice and I a wave.

Next to me Alice let out a small squeak and I turned and saw Jasper had come up behind her.

"How are you ladies tonight." Jasper asked, placing a kiss on Alice's neck.

"We're doing good. Some party you guys have here." I said looking around.

"Ah well, thanks for coming to our little shindig" Jasper laughed sardonically. I gave him my best dramatic eye roll.

"So modest," I cracked.

The house had been gutted of all furniture, the large living room was turned into a dance area that a few people who seemed to have already reached their drinking limit had taken advantage of. The dinning room turned into a bar area/ game room, they had the foosball table and a beer pong table set up. Paddles and class pictures of the guys hung on the walls. The House looked as though it would have been beautiful at one point, now it looked like a run-down bachelor pad for about twenty-five guys.

"Would you girls like something to drink?" Jasper asked over the loud music. He nuzzled Alice's neck and I think I detected a slight movement of tongue.

"Sure." Alice answered breathlessly. I simply nodded my head knowingly with an arch of an eyebrow.

Someone was getting laid.

"Be right back then." and Jasper answered in a deeper voice than usually, and disappeared into the crowd.

I continued my search for Edward, I really wanted to see him, today was the longest we had been apart.

"Just ask Jasper when he comes back." Alice said pulling me out of my search.

"Ask Jasper what?"

She gave me a look.

"Oh I don't know. Maybe where a certain bronze haired bed headed guy we all know and love is."

"I'm sure he is around, he must be busy with the party."

"Oh stop, we'll ask Jasper, then you can thank me later when you neck doesn't hurt from all the stretching you're doing to it looking for him."

"Shut up, go cast a spell on Jasper's wand or something." I said sticking my tongue out at her. Alice rebutted with her own pink tongue.

Jasper arrived back a few minutes later carrying three red plastic cups, a staple to any college party.

"Thanks." I said taking a sip.

"So Jazz, you wouldn't happen to know where a certain friend of yours is would you, the one that would make a certain friend of mine very happy?"

Subtle was not in Alice's vocabulary.

"Umm, he's around here somewhere." Jasper said taking a drink from his red plastic cup.

We started talking about classes and other random things, Alice was getting all googlie eyed at Jasper, and I felt like any moment I was about to be left to fend for myself.

Where the hell was Edward?

Just then I noticed Alice and Jasper in what looked to be a intense conversation and I was confused as to how their attitude had switched so fast.

"Hey, what's wrong?" I shouted over the music.

Both snapped their heads and looked at me. Alice looked as though she was attempting to apologize for something. Jasper looked like he was all the sudden extremely uncomfortable.

"What?"

"Nothing, how about we go take a trip to the bathroom, I need a girl moment." Alice said trying to pull me out of the living room.

"Alice, what is your deal?" I attempted to stay planted in my spot as she tugged on my right arm.

"Please Bella." she begged again, pulling me towards her destination slightly.

"Alice, you're a big girl, you can use the bathroom on your own."

I turned to look at jasper, maybe he could explain his girlfriends odd behavior.

Then I saw why their mood had shifted.

There at the bar was the flash of bronze that I had been searching for. Edward was there, and he wasn't alone.

Wrapped around Edward was a little brunette. Her arms were wrapped around his neck, chest pressed up to his, they were staring into each others eyes and talking intensely.

I was taken a back for a moment, I thought we had something, that we were starting something.

But I guess not.

I took a moment to take a breath and blink back the tears that threaten to escape, push down the lump in my throat and I turned around.

I came face to face with Alice.

"I'm so sorry." Alice said quietly and embraced me in a tight hug.

"Why are you sorry?" I asked through thick, hot tears. God I sucked at trying to not care.

"Bella." Alice said in a knowing tone.

"Alice, he isn't my boyfriend, we're just friends. He is free to do what he wants." I gave a nonchalant flip of my hand in hopes to come off more uncaring. It wasn't working well. I couldn't mask the ripping sensation that was eating at the inside of my intestines.

"We can leave if you want."

"Why? We came her to have fun. Now if you don't mind, I plan on having some fun." With that I downed the beer that I had in my hand and took a deep breath and headed to the bar.

When we got near Edward happened to look up and he looked like a deer caught in headlights. He attempted to remove the girls arms from around his neck and I just kept walking past him as if I didn't care.

I got the kid acting as bartender to hand me another beer and turned to see Alice looking worried about me.

Pity, pssh, I didn't need to be pitied. I'm a super girl. And I'm here to save the world.

"Alice, chill out I'm fine."

I downed that cup as if it were a shot, the bubbles burning my nose.

"I'm going to dance." I stated and turned, well staggered, to look for someone to dance with.

And boy did I run smack dab into the perfect candidate, literally.

Mike Newton.

"Hey Bella, you look amazing." Mike praised as he licked his top lip. His eyes roamed over me unabashedly. I didn't even flinch.

"Thanks, wanna dance?" I yelled over the thumping rap. Common's "I want you" filled the vast living room and bodies began to slap together.

"Do I ever." he said with a cheesy smile.

I grabbed his hand and pulled him to the middle of the room and threw my arms around him and started dancing with him the best I could. I wasn't known for my successful searches for beats, but I was filling warm and confident. I attempted to swivel my hips, Mike's eyes popped in response.

Did something right.

Over his shoulder I noticed Alice and Jasper talking to Edward and him looking over this way.

"You wanna drink." Mike asked pulling me out of my observation. He had a flask in his hand. He shook it at me playfully.

"Sure." I put the metal to my lips and took a huge drag from it.

Gag, whatever it was burned the whole way down my throat, but suddenly made my body hot, so I took another pull, coughing as soon as it was all down.

"Wow, calm down there killer." Mike said reaching for the flask with worried eyes.

"Just one more." I said and took another pull.

"I like a girl that knows how to drink." Mike laughed as I handed him back his nasty booze.

"Well good thing you found me then." I was going to pay for this in the morning but I was hurt.

Mike was actually a some what good dancer, he probably would have been better if he paid more attention to dancing then to putting his hands on my ass, but at this point I didn't care.

I just wanted a distraction. The music changed, so I keep dancing to the fast beat of the music.

_I feel so untouched_

_And I want you so much_

_That I just can't resist you_

_It's not enough to say that I miss you_

_I feel so untouched right now_

_Need you so much some how_

_I can't forget you_

_I've gone crazy from the moment I met you_

_Untouched_

_And I need you so much_

We moved around so much that my back was now towards Alice and them, so I decided to flip around and place my back against Mike.

I needed to sneak a peak.

I felt him snake his hands to my hip and pull me closer, his chest against my back, my ass grinding into him.

When I looked up towards the bar I noticed Edward glaring at me and he was furious.

Don't know why he is getting all territorial, not like I was his girlfriend. Nope, not me, Bambi or whatever her name was that was draped on him earlier and still clinging to his side now must be the lucky lady.

Alice was watching me closely, biting her bottom lip looking worried. I don't understand why, this is what she wanted… me to have fun.

Well I was having fun.

I reached down to Mike's hand that was on my hip and grabbed his flask taking another drink.

He leaned down and whispered into my ear.

"You know, you're going to drink all my liquor your going to owe me." and he placed a kiss on the side of my neck.

By this time I was feeling a little tipsy and that felt good, so I leaned my head back into him.

"What exactly am I going to owe you?" I asked with a sly smile as I looked up and towards the bar. Edward was now a shade of purple and Jasper had his hand on his chest holding him back.

But still, the little brunette skank was right next to him.

"Why don't we take a walk and we can figure it out." Mike purred into my ear. I shivered, which I'm sure was just my body's reaction to his stank breath, but he took it as something good. I felt him stand at attention for me.

"Sure."

Looking at the bar once last time I felt Mike grab my hand and start to lead me out of the house.

We made it to the front lawn before I heard people calling for me.

Of course, what was a party with out freaking drama.

I attempted to ignore them.

Then I felt a hand grab me and I spun around to see Alice with Edward and Jasper behind her.

"What the hell Alice." I slurred stupidly.

I really should have reconsidered those shots.

"Bella, where do you think you're going?" Suddenly sounding like a mom.

"For a walk if you must know." I tried to pull my arm from hers.

"What are you worried about Alice. She's with me, I'll take good care of her." Mike said squeezing my hand.

"Yeah, that is what has me worried." She sneered at Mike

"Oh give it a rest. I'm a big girl Alice, I can take a walk with Mike if I want." I went to turn around and continue my walk.

"Bella, can I talk to you." I heard Edward ask.

Shit.

"No, go back to your little friend Edward." I tried to dismiss him with my hand.

"Bella about that-" I didn't want to hear it so I cut him off.

"Hey you don't owe me any explanation."

"Bella it's-"

"I am going for my walk now." I tried to pull Mike forward.

"Bella, No. I'm not letting you leave." Edward said stepping forward.

"Ha, you're not letting me leave. You're not my father Edward."

I started to pull on Mike's arm and we attempted to walk when Alice started walking with us.

Fuck, why is everyone treating me like a baby.

"Alice, what do you think you're doing?"

"I want to go for a walk too."

"Alice, if you value our friendship at all, you'll back the fuck off." I was beyond drunk, and beyond pissed and now more then ever I just wanted to go on my fucking walk and get away from everyone.

By this time I saw that Emmett and Rose had come out to join the little show.

Perfect.

"You know what. Fuck all of you, I'm going home." I released Mike's hand and left them all behind.

I started walking back towards the dorm, Mike had stayed behind with them. Alice took the hint understanding that I was pissed off.

I wasn't use to people crowding me like that.

So what that I was pissed, so what that I might be a tad bit inebriated it didn't give any of them to treat me like I was five. This is what I did when I was in a shit mood.

I made it to the halfway mark on campus. I was right near where all the classroom were. It was a little creepy walking around at night on campus by myself, but I was a little too mad to care.

That was until I saw a car coming and it pulled over and the door sounded like it opened. I was momentarily blinded by the car headlights.

I panicked a bit and started backing up.

"Get in the fucking car Bella." Came the angry voice of Edward.

"Edward! What are you doing?"

"I am not going to tell you again. Do you have any idea how stupid you are risking walking across campus by yourself. Get in the car or so help me." Edward growled. His face was fixed in a beautiful scowl and his nostrils were flared. My heart picked up its pace.

"I'm not a child Edward, I can-" I didn't get to finish that statement because I felt myself being thrown over his shoulder and walked over to his car.

He opened the passenger side door and put me in and then walked around to the drivers side and got in taking me back to the dorms.

The ride back to my dorm was spent in silence. My arms were crossed at my chest and I refused to look at him. I was being childish, but I really didn't care at the moment.

He parked the car in the lot and I opened the door and headed straight to the dorm without waiting.

But of course he caught up with me.

"What is your problem?" He asked once he caught up.

"Gee, I don't know Edward. The fact you go all caveman on me when I attempt to hang out with another guy. But it is a-okay for you to be all over another girl."

"About that."

"Save it. It's none of my business, you don't owe me an explanation."

I kept walking, I just wanted this night to be over.

"Bella, I don't know what you think was going on but Jessica is always like that. I tried to get rid of her, she kind of had me trapped, she always traps me, she is a little pushy like that. No is not in her vocabulary."

"Didn't really look that way. But again, you don't owe me an explanation. I have no hold on you, we're just friends."

He stopped.

"What? Since when are we just friends?" He looked hurt now.

"What do you mean? You're not my boyfriend. I mean I thought you were interested or whatever, but you never asked so really I have no say in what you do."

"Is that what this is about. Bella I thought it was just assumed."

"What was assumed that we were dating? Really I didn't get that memo, honestly what was I supposed to think. Jasper asked Alice, and you continued to treat me as you always have."

"Bella, I assumed that we were on the same page, I have been nervous about asking you to make it official because I know this is your first year of college and I didn't know if you would want to be tied down right away."

"Are you fucking kidding me. You're blaming this on me." Fantastic.

"No, I just explaining why I didn't ask you flat out."

"Well that was your mistake just assuming that I would want anything different. I figured you didn't ask me because you really liked hanging out with me but you saw me as just a friend."

"Umm, friends who kiss?"

"Edward, seriously, it isn't that weird."

Wow that sounded really bad.

"Bella, I'm sorry I didn't ask you. I wanted to, so many times. I wanted to make it official that you were mine and I was your's I am just a chicken shit and a idiot." He said and took my hand.

"You make no sense. I told you from the first day I met you how I felt. I don't understand why you just didn't except that."

"I know."

"So…"

"So what?"

"Are you going to ask me or not… man you're killing me here."

"Right, sorry." He shook his head and ran his hand through his hair. " Bella, would you please be my girlfriend?"

"Hmmm, I don't know. You're not very smart." I said teasing.

Edward gave me a sad little lost puppy dog face and I figured I could stop the torture.

"Oh course you jerk I would love to be your girlfriend." I said throwing my arms around his neck.

"Can you promise me to never run off again at night like this. There are weird people out here Bella, anything could have happened to you. You scared the shit out of me taking off like that."

"I promise, now will you shut up and kiss me?"

"You never have to ask." He took my face in his hands

His warm lips collided with mine and he felt amazing, our lips moving together, his tongue testing the waters, making sure it was okay to deepen the kiss, which it was.

As always he tasted amazing, my knees went weak and I just wanted to scream with joy I was so happy.

We stood there on the side walk under the stars celebrating our new title of boyfriend and girlfriend.

It may not have been the smoothest way, or the most romantic, but it was sure as hell memorable.

It was things like that that I was going to need for my friends and family to remember.

I wonder if everyone would have memories like that to keep me alive once I was no longer here.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: So here is chapter 3, I hope you all like it. This one made me cry in the start so yeah.**

**Thanks to Birdee for the Beta**

**I do not own**

**Enjoy**

EPOV

I don't know how long I sat on the cold linoleum floor outside of Bella's hospital room trying to process that this was really and she really was going to die. That no matter what I did or said, there wasn't going to be a forever, not for us. I don't know how many seconds or minutes or, hell, even hours passed since the doctor had quite literally put the finale nail in the coffin, but I had shit to do.

I had the excruciating job of ruining the lives of everyone I cared about.

I had to call all our loved ones and let them know that their daughter, sister, best friend, and mother was dying, and soon.

How the hell was I supposed to do that?

How could I call Renee in Florida and tell her that she needed to hop on the next flight out? Not to witness the miracle of Bella being cured, but to say good bye to her only child, her best friend. It was my job to call and tell her that the child she carried in her womb, loved more then life itself that she raised to be a wonderful human being was going to die before her.

Something no parent ever expected to happen.

How was I supposed to call Charlie and tell him the daughter whose life he missed over half of wasn't going to be around much longer. That the reason for each breath he took, each smile that ever graced his face was soon going to be gone.

How could I tell Alice that the girl who was a sister in every way, shape, and form to her wouldn't grow old with her like they planned, wouldn't raise their kids together, and wouldn't be there to drag out on some ridiculous shopping trip, that she was leaving us.

Or Emmett.

How was I going to let that big oaf know that the girl that he had come to love and adore more than anything in the world besides Rose, the girl he would gladly switch places with, was leaving him, leaving us.

Then there was Ellie, our baby that we had tried so hard for.

How was I ever going to tell our beautiful three-year-old daughter, the spitting image of Bella, that Mommy was no longer going to be around. That she wouldn't help her get ready for her first date, she wouldn't be there to celebrate all those milestones as she grew, she wouldn't be there on her wedding day to see her get married, or hold her grandchildren.

How would I tell Ellie that the most important person in her life loves her, but no matter how hard she wants to be, she will not be able to be here for her? How do you tell a three-year-old that she will never know what an amazing woman her mother was? That she will never get to hear what a horrible singer she was, or what and amazing laugh she had, or what a great cook she was, or how much she loved her from the moment she held her in the hospital, hell, the moment she knew she was pregnant.

How was I supposed to do this? How could I, with one phone call, destroy every single person that I cared about?

Bella was such a huge part of our lives, and we needed her. Without Bella things wouldn't be the same.

I couldn't picture what it would be like when she was gone. Not waking up to her, or smelling her sweet floral scent even before she walked into a room. Not coming home from work and seeing her in the kitchen laughing with Ellie while they were both covered in cookie batter. How would it be to never hear her soft voice again, to hear her angry, or happy or sad?

Once Bella was gone, would we even see each other anymore, would there even be a reason? Would it be too hard to be near each other?

No doubt after this blow we would all go our separate ways.

It got harder to breathe; the fucking knot in my throat was burning. I couldn't breath; the tears I was trying to hold back felt like fire scorching my eyes.

I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and started to dial.

After two rings she picked up.

"Is she okay?" Alice asked not even asking who it was.

"Alice." I forced out trying to keep my voice from cracking. " You… you and Jasper really should get here soon."

There was a sharp gasp.

"No… Edward, no," Alice moaned.

"Alice, there's not much time, you should probably hurry." I managed to croak out.

The last thing I heard was Alice's pained voice scream for Jasper before the phone went dead.

Two down, too many more to go.

* * *

A month had passed since the night I asked Bella to officially be my girlfriend.

What a disastrous night that was.

I had never thought I would have been the type of person to be smack dab in the middle of some stereotypical college party drama, but it had happened.

You know how they say your life flashes before your eyes before you die?

Well, that night I had one of those moments, along with a moment where I thought I could literally be capable of committing murder. Watching Mike touch Bella's body and kiss her neck made me have thoughts where I tried to plan out where would be the best place to hide a body.

But I got past that thought and to another.

The thought of Bella not with me almost sent me to an early grave, and a life flashed before my eyes of what I would be without Bella.

Let me just say it was pathetic.

I was nothing without her.

But that night, we both grew a set of balls and set each other straight and now, on our one month anniversary, we were happy and in love.

We had both admitted it pretty much the first week.

I knew from the moment that Bella walked into my life that I was one hundred percent head-over-heels in love with her, that she was the one. She said that the feeling was mutual and almost as instantaneous as my realization.

I couldn't have been more ecstatic that she felt the same way.

Here was stupid ass me thinking a month ago Bella might not want to be tied down, she might not want me as a boyfriend, that I would just be the best friend I could possibly be and that would be enough.

I am so glad I was wrong.

I don't think I had ever been happier in my life, Bella was the one. She was amazing in every single way, my soul mate. As corny as that sounded, it was true.

She was made for me.

I often thought that she was clearly the reason I was born, that I was made for her and she was made for me.

Everything was as it should be.

Tonight I had a huge surprise planned for her. I wanted to make this night a night she would never forget, just an example of how our life would be.

Full of love and happiness as long as we were together.

I had Alice and Rose take Bella out so that I could work on her room without her coming in and ruining the surprise.

Jasper and Emmett were with me, helping me with setting things up.

I had planned to have dinner and dessert in her room lit by candle light and covered in rose petals, while we watched her favorite romantic movie Pride and Prejudice.

Simple

Just like Bella; anything more and she would have a fit.

She wouldn't have liked to have money spent on her, even though I was more then willing to. It just wasn't her; she liked the home-made type of presents.

When the time came I, of course, dressed up nice in a blue button down shirt and the nicest pair of pants I owned. I waited by the door with flowers behind my back, and when I heard her keys in the door, I took a deep breath and waited to see her beautiful face.

The door opened and Bella walked through and threw her keys on the little table next to the door before her eyes caught sight of me.

"Edward…" Her chocolate eyes were wide with shock. "Edward, what is all this?"

I walked forward while pulling the flowers from behind my back and extending them towards her with a lop-sided smile.

"Happy Anniversary, love."

Her mouth formed a little 'O' and water started to well up in her eyes.

"Edward, I can't believe you did this for me, it's beautiful, thank you," she whispered.

I leaned forward and placed a chaste kiss on her lips and then rested my forehead on hers.

"Anything for you."

She wrapped her arms around my neck, pulling me into a hug and kissed my neck.

"Happy anniversary, Edward." Her hot breath on my neck sent shivers down my spine.

"Well, let's eat. I have some of that pizza with fresh tomatoes and garlic that you love and then some fresh strawberries and cream for dessert."

"Oh Mr. Cullen, you went all out, didn't you?" she said, resting her head on my shoulder as we walked into her room.

We walked and sat down on her bed. The room was glowing from all the candles that were lit. I put a piece of pizza on a plate and handed it to her before grabbing some for myself.

We ate while we carried on with some comfortable conversation, talking about each other's days and how classes were going. Everything just flowed so amazingly with Bella.

Once we were done with pizza I pulled out the strawberries and cream; it was her favorite.

Bella went to grab a strawberry, and I grabbed her wrist to stop her.

"Let me," I said as I grabbed one of the large berries from the bowl.

"Are you going to feed me, Edward?" she asked in a teasing tone while arching her brow.

I smiled as I dipped the berry into the cream and held it to Bella's beautiful lips.

"Just try it."

Bella was biting here lower lip and looking up at me through her impossibly long lashes.

My breath caught as her tongue darted out of her mouth, licking those luscious lips of hers before it touched the bottom of the berry and pulled it into her mouth.

I did everything possible to hold in the groan that threatened to escape; she was too sexy for her own good.

However I wasn't sure what I was going to do about the obvious tightening in my jeans.

"These are amazing Edward, such a good boyfriend," she teased, picking up her own berry, dipping it in the cream and holding it up for me to eat.

I took hold of her wrist pulling it closer to me and then taking the berry into my mouth, biting down. After I had chewed and swallowed it, I pulled her wrist to my mouth, kissing it.

I heard Bella's breath hitch.

The sound caused me to grow even harder.

God I wanted her so bad.

We had fooled around a bit, never going too far. I didn't want to rush things with her or make her think I was some horny college guy who just cared about getting into her pants.

Although I was some horny college guy, I wanted to make love to her not just get in her pants.

She was my first honest to god girlfriend, and I was her first real relationship. While neither of us was completely innocent in the sex area, we were both virgins.

But tonight, something about the setting and the food and just Bella in general made me want her, all of her.

I decided to take her lead.

We finished the food and cleared it away. I set up the movie for us to watch as Bella went and changed into her pajamas; she was famous for falling asleep on movie nights, so it was better if she was dressed for bed.

The bathroom door opened and she came out wearing a pair of cotton shorts and a tank top, torturing me unknowingly.

God, was she the most beautiful person I had ever seen.

"So, what are we watching?" Bella asked as she plopped on the bed and snuggled up to me under the covers.

"Your favorite." I said as I hit the play button on the remote.

"Oh Edward, you didn't have to get a chick flick, it's your anniversary too."

"Bella, all I need is to be with you. That is enough of a present to me," I said, kissing her forehead.

The movie started and we lay there in silence watching the actors act out Bella's favorite novel.

I don't know at what point it happened but I felt her hand that was on my stomach start to draw small circles. My eyes all but rolled into the back of my head, the muscles of my stomach tensed and I had to bit my lip.

Other areas of me became highly aware of the wonderful sensation.

In return my hand that was resting on her hip started rubbing back and forth on the naked sliver of skin between her shirt and shorts.

I felt her body move closer to mine, molding her to me. Her hand that was tracing circles began to move lower slowly, oh so very slowly.

At this point I had no clue as to what was happening in the movie, and I had a safe guess that neither did Bella.

I took the chance and dipped my fingers into the waistband of her shorts, her hips automatically pushed forward into mine, and she buried her face in the crook of my neck kissing it.

We both were testing each other it seemed, trying to make sure each movement was alright with the other one.

I moved to my side so that I was facing her, I brought my other hand to her shoulder, and I slowly pushed down the strap of her tank top, leaving her shoulder bare. I placed a kiss, there letting my tongue dart out and taste her skin.

So sweet.

Her breathing was now coming out in short little huffs. My lips trailing up her shoulder to her neck. My hands tucking her hair behind her ear, before I nipped at it, pulling her tiny lobe between my lips and sucking on it.

Her hands tightened their grip on me, her hips still grinding forward into me.

Bella pulled my head so that I was facing her now. She looked deep into my eyes as if trying to convey a message before her lips collided with mine, parting upon contact and deepening the kiss.

I felt Bella's hand reach up and grasp mine, leading it down her chest to the hem of her tank and pushing it under, onto the heated skin of her stomach. I started pushing the thin material up, and I continued to kiss her. When it reached her breast, she lifted up a bit indicating she wanted me to take it off.

I didn't waste any time second guessing myself; I was beyond worked up.

I kept my eyes on hers as I pulled the tank off her; even when it was fully off and tossed to the side, my eyes never left hers.

Her hands reached forward to my chest, gripping my shirt, and started to unbutton it.

With her eyes still on mine and her fingers finished with the buttons she ran her hands up my bare chest to my shoulders, and then she pushed the shirt down my arms.

Both of our breathing was a bit erratic just from the simple touching and kissing.

Slowly Bella leaned forward, placing a kiss on my chest, letting her hands trail up and down my sides. I buried my hands in her hair, placing kisses on the top of her head as she continued the sweet torture on my body.

She brought her hands back to the middle of my chest and pushed until I lay back on the bed and continued to trail kisses down my torso to my hips. Her hands came to the button on my jeans, and I felt her proceed to undo them and then start to unzip them, and begin to tug them down my legs.

There was no hiding just how excited I was as my boxers provided very little protection.

Once my pants were off, Bella moved her way back up my body and stopped at my boxers. Her hands ran up inside of them up my thighs, her fingers lightly grazing my erection.

My breathing stopped all together, and my eyes were shut tight as I tried to concentrate and not have an _American Pie _Nadia and Jim Moment.

I felt her place a kiss on the only material left covering me, and my entire body tensed in pleasure.

I couldn't take the teasing anymore; I needed to touch her as well. In a swift move I was able to lean forward wrapping my arms around her and flipping her so that she was the one on her back.

I proceeded to follow the path of sweet torture she had provided to me, and I kissed my way from her neck down. I stopped at her beautiful perfect breasts, taking my time tasting each one. Bella's back arched into me bringing her pert nipples to my mouth, flicking them with my tongue.

The small whimpers and moans escaping Bella's lips were driving me mad, and I wanted more, to hear them louder.

I descended to her navel, circling it with my tongue before placing a kiss in the middle.

I looked up at Bella for a moment.

Her one hand was gripping her hair as the other gripped the bed sheet. Her head was thrown back, exposing more of her beautiful neck, and her eyes were closed.

I dipped my fingers into her shorts and slowly pulled them down, making sure to follow behind with my lips. Once they were off and to the side I moved back up, letting my tongue trace the waistband of her blue lace panties.

This brought another round of small whimpers from her along with a bit of her hips writhing. It was getting harder to take things at a slow pace. I wanted her badly, and I wanted her now.

I looked up at her again and was meet with her brown eyes staring into mine.

She was biting her lower lip, and she seemed to understand the question I was asking without any word being spoken. She simply nodded her head for me to continue.

I laced my fingers through the sides of the last remaining article of clothing and tugged it down. I could hear the change in her breathing, and it was so sexy.

I climbed back up her body to her lips, biting her bottom lip and sucking on it. Her hands entwined in my hair, and she pulled me as close as humanly possible, my hardness pressing into her only covered by the thin material of my boxers.

Bella seemed to noticed the same thing I did, and I felt her feet come up to my waist and with her toes she gripped the waistband of my boxers, sliding them down to my calves where I took them the rest of the way off, kicking them off the bed.

Once every part of our bodies was touching with no barrier at all coming between us, we both stopped and looked at each other. Her arms were around my neck, and my hands were brushing her hair behind her ears.

"Bella, are you sure about this? Its doesn't have to be now, this is more than enough," I said, not wanting to rush her into anything she might regret.

She looked at me with nothing but love.

"I am positive; there is no one that I would rather share this with. Nothing I want more than right now," she said before she leaned forward and placed a kiss on my lips.

The kissed deepened, and our hands roamed each others bodies. I let my fingers memorize every inch of her soft pale skin; the feeling was something I would never forget as long as I lived.

Soon it got too be to much, and I needed to be making love to her. I let my fingers trail down between us and felt how wet she was. Knowing it was her first time, I didn't want to just ram into her so I slipped my finger into her heat and added another trying to ease what was about to come.

She moaned and bucked her hips into my hand.

I needed to be with her now.

"You're sure, Bella?" I asked as I positioned myself at her entrance

She simply nodded her head.

I took a moment to collect myself, I didn't want to hurt her, I wanted her to feel safe and loved.

Bella had been on birth control since high school for other reasons, so there wasn't any reason to worry about protection.

Once I was all calm and collected, I slowly pushed forward. Bella released a small gasp. Her eyes were closed, and she looked as though she was going to put her teeth through her bottom lip.

I kept slowly pushing forward knowing she wouldn't want me to stop now.

Once I was fully inside I stopped to let her body adjust and give her a moment to breathe.

I brushed the small strands of hair out of her face, and I waited for her approval to continue.

"Bella, are you okay?"

She opened her eyes and looked at me and nodded.

"I'm fine, just… just go slow okay."

I nodded and leaned down to kiss her before I started to slowly pull back out. Her eyes immediately closed again and her breathing picked up.

I was in heaven, she felt amazing.

I started to pick a calm rhythm, taking it slowly making sure that it was comfortable for her, taking her lead.

Soon Bella's hips began to meet with me as she started to move and feel more comfortable.

Her arms wrapped around my back pulling me as close as I could come, and she turned her head, placing kisses on my bicep, her legs lifted, and I felt her wrap them around me, bringing me deeper.

"Faster, go… go a little faster," she moaned.

I picked up the pace, and she started to arch her back, pushing her breasts into me further. I leaned my head down kissing her as I thrust, slowly making my way back down to the fleshy mounds on her chest, licking and sucking.

Sweat began to cover our bodies, and Bella's hair was sticking to her face.

She was stunning.

I could tell that she was about to reach her release. Her hip movements became more erratic, and she thrust forward slamming me into her harder. Her hands now at the back of my head were ripping at my hair.

"Come for me, Bella." I whispered into her ear.

"Oh god, Edward, please don't stop. So close, I can feel it so close," she all but screamed.

I continued thrusting as Bella clawed at me trying to bring forth her release.

I thought I would help her out.

I took my hand and reached down between us. I wanted her to finish before me and with the way she was talking and how sexy she looked and how amazing she felt, I wasn't going to last much longer.

I let my middle finger stroke circles over her swollen clit.

This did it; the sound that came from Bella at that moment was caught between a moan and a scream as I felt her walls tighten with her release which in turn set off my own release. I continued to move with her as she milked my orgasm.

Once we both caught our breath and had ridden the waves of our release, I pulled out and laid on my side next to her, pulling her close, resting my forehead on hers.

"I love you, Edward," Bella said, running her finger over my cheek.

"I love you too, forever," I said, kissing her. "Are you alright?"

"I'm perfect." She smiled at me.

"Me too." I couldn't believe that I was lucky enough to be the one she chose to be with. "Thank you."

"For what?" she said, pulling back to get a better look at me.

"For loving me and trusting me enough to let me be your first."

"And only," she added. "I guess I would have to say thank you too then."

"I wouldn't have wanted it to be anyone else," I said as I kissed her.

"Neither would I," she said against my lips.

We continued to kiss and caress each other, lost in the moment of just being in love and together.

This night would go down in my memory as one of the best nights of my life. The night when me and the girl that I would spend the rest of my life with, shared just how much we were in love.

It was a love that would last a lifetime.

**A/N : Good??**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I am so very very very sorry for the delay. I have just been blah lately and have not so much been in the mood to write. I hope that there are still people wanting to read this. The updates will still be on the slow side until I can get some things sorted. I know where this is going, I am just trying to figure out the length cause I don't want it to short or to long.**

**I am needing to get a beta and am currently without one so if you just ignore any mistakes that may be here and stick with me I promise not to let the go.**

**Enjoy**

**BPOV**

Edward was still gone, I hadn't seen him since he followed the doctor out into the hall to talk about me.

This was bad.

I knew Edward, I knew what he was doing, he refused to show any sort of emotional breakdown with me near. He wanted to remain strong for me, be the man, the protector. I knew it was killing him inside to not be able to fix this. But he was doing more damage bottling it all up.

Whatever the doctor said to him must have been bad; he had never stayed away from me this long. Since I had been in the hospital he put off everything, work, friends, and even Ellie leaving her in the care of Emmett and Rose.

Now he has to be somewhere trying to calm himself down and put on that perfect "Everything is going to be fine" mask he's worn since I was diagnosed.

That horribly fake smile that I hardly noticed because no matter what he tried he couldn't change his eyes. His eyes told me everything about him, they always had and in his eyes read fear and pain.

I laid in the bed waiting for him to come back, calling him in my mind to please just come back and tell me what it is we have to face this time. We would face it together, we would get through this.

It had to be the time left, the doctor must have told him how much time left I had to live. It didn't matter, anything he was going to say was not going to be enough.

Surely though it was a year, months at least.

At least it was enough time to get my affairs in order, spend sometime with my friends and family. Soak up every ounce of my daughter I could.

Maybe I could make some videos, write some letters for her to open on special days.

Her birthdays, her wedding, the day she became a mother.

Something that lets her know that I am proud of her and that if I could I would have been there I would have.

That I would always be with her no matter what

Surely there was enough time for that.

When the doctor or Edward came back in I would find out when I was allowed to leave the hospital. I didn't want to waste another minute here.

I had so many things to do.

I needed to make sure everyone I was leaving behind knew how much I loved them and that it would be okay, things were going to work out and life was going to go on and I needed them to make sure to help Ellie and Edward through this.

I was staring lazily out the window near my bed, I could see the buildings in the distance, the sun high in the sky and life going on, even though in here, it was slowly ending.

I heard the door click and turned my head to see Edward in the doorway.

I could tell that he was fighting against every muscle in his beautiful face to keep the smile on.

He was failing miserable.

I could see it in his eyes; it was bad.

I took a deep breath and I to forced my muscles in my face into a pained smile.

"How long?" I asked already knowing that however he answered, the time wasn't going to be anywhere near enough.

I could see the tears well up in his eyes and his chin tremble as he took a step forward and took hold of my hand.

"I… I've gotten a hold of everyone, they're on their way now." The tears started to fall from his eyes.

My chest tightened at what that meant.

"How long?"

"I need to know when you want me to bring Ellie, she misses you, she wants to see you." He said, ignoring my question.

"Edward, how long?" I looked him in the eyes.

"Nothing is for certain Bella, this is just to get everyone here, they've all been so worried and they want to see you."

He was lying.

"How long." I was gasping for breath but I needed to hear it from him.

His hand squeezed mine and he started to sob, and I knew it was even sooner then I thought.

He leaned forward burying his tears soaked face in my neck.

I asked one more time

"How… How long?" My strength to hold back emotion had failed and I was now crying.

His hot breath was on my neck as he pulled me closer running his hands gently through my hair, tilting his head up towards my head.

"Soon…. It's going to be soon."

And then I completely broke down.

* * *

**Four years**

I had been in college for four years now. Four long stressed filled years of papers, and mid-terms and professors who I sometimes wanted to strangle.

But it had also been four years of making the best friends that I would ever have in my life.

To meeting the man of my dreams and being head over heels in love.

Edward and I were now living together in an apartment had been for the past two years. Alice and Jasper had too moved in as a couple along with Emmett and Rose.

Each weekend we made sure to have little dinner parties between the six of us. A different couple hosted it every week.

We did this as a way to keep our friendships strong and keep close. Emmett and Rose had graduated last year both Rose worked at a local advertising agency, while Emmett worked at the local parks and recs helping coach kids sports teams.

Jasper too had graduated but was back for his masters in History

Edward was also finished with a degree in musical composition, but he was back taking some more classes in order to have something to fall back on. He was at the moment a music teacher at a private school on the other end of town.

Alice and I being a year behind them still had time to go. Alice would be graduating this year with a degree in fashion and I would be out next year with my teaching degree.

All was well and we were one big happy family

Alice and I had just finished our classes for the day and were walking to the parking lot in order to get home. It was Edward and I turn to host the dinner party and I had to run to the grocery store to pick up things and then get home and get to work preparing a meal for 6 hungry people.

Alice and I chatted on our way to our cars and then said a hurried goodbye as we headed in different directions.

"I'll see you later tonight Bella. Don't forget Jasper and I are brining the wine tonight." She said before kissing my on the cheek and dancing off to her car.

I felt like I had grown up so fast, everything passed in a blur. I was like a real adult now, living with the man that I loved, hosting dinner parties with my close friends. Parties in which people brought wine.

When did all this happen, when did I become an adult?

It was odd.

The last four years seemed like a distant memory. A good memory of course for Edward was a constant fixture in ever single one of them over the passed years.

I thought things like this were only things that happened in Disney movies or in the pages of a novel. Never in my life did I expect to actually meet my prince charming; my one and only.

We both were so compatible with one another, the same music and movie taste, the same ambitions to be a teacher. We both loved kids and one day hoped to have a whole house full. We would grow old together and sit on a porch swing watching our grand children running around the yard when we were old and grey.

We would always be in love.

I made it home and Edward had already started preparing dinner, with a kiss and a swat on my butt he sent me off to get ready for our guest while he continued to take care of the food.

I took my time in the shower, allowing the warm water to relax me and then I hopped out and toweled off. I dressed in my comfortable clothes and headed out to see if Edward needed any help.

His back was facing me when I walked into the kitchen and I wrapped my arms around his waist, leaning up on my tippy toes to kiss his neck.

"How was your day?" I asked as I rested my cheek on his back.

"It was good, the kids seem to actually like the music I am introducing them to. Who would have thought it possible in this day to get kids to like classical music."

"Well Mr. Cullen, you are very persuasive." I said giving his waist a squeeze.

"Oh am I know." he said turning around to face me. A smug mischievous grin playing on his lips.

"mmhmmm."

"We will have to see how persuasive I can be once our friends leave."

I gave a little laugh and leaned closer to him, almost touching his lips.

"I don't know if you have noticed but I am easily persuaded by you."

I placed a light kiss on his lips and turned to check the chicken cooking in the oven.

" You are such a tease sometimes Bella."

I laughed to myself at his comment and then there was a knock at the door and I ran off to get it.

Once everyone was here we sat down to our meal and it went as usual, talks of work and life. Joking about random things, memories of the old party days.

I was so happy to have this group of people in my life.

Edward excused himself to the bathroom, while the girls and I got dessert ready.

Dessert was served and devoured and the dishes done, we said goodbye to our friends and made plans to hang out again tomorrow.

Edward and I locked up and headed back to the bedroom to get ready for bed, our normal "old married couple'' routine.

I noticed the bedroom door was closed and there was a faint light coming from underneath. Edward walked behind me and I slowly pushed the door opened.

To say I was shocked at the sight before me was an understatement.

The room was glowing in light from what seemed like a hundred candles, there was a bouqet of my favorite flowers placed in the middle of the bed.

I turned to Edward, a smile was playing on his lips his eyes were glowing with something I couldn't quite read.

"Edward, what's all this." I asked looking at him

"Something I have planned on doing since the first time I met you."

He took a hold of my hand and placed a sweet loving kiss on my lips as he led me to the bed sitting me on the edge.

" Bella, from the moment we met, the moment our eyes locked I knew that I had to be a part of your life. That first day at the dorms when I met you, I don't know how to explain it but I saw a entire life play out before me. A home, a life and a family. A love I never thought possible. Every minute we have spent together in these four years has been even better then I ever imagined it would be."

He lowered himself to he's knees in front of me and my heart went into overdrive and I felt warm tears slide down my cheeks at the words he spoke.

" I think that I have loved you from the moment I saw you. And I know how cliché that sounds but it's true. You make me beyond happy Bella, and I was wondering if you would like to make it official. If you would like to continue to make me the happiest man alive for the rest of our lives. Bella, would you do me the honor of being my wife?"

From his back pocket he pulled out a small box and placed it in my hands.

"I want us to grow old and grey together, to have little mini Bella's and Edwards running around. I can't picture a world where you are not part of me."

He opened the box which held a beautiful cushion cut diamond engagement ring and waited for my answer.

I looked at him through blurred vision and nodded my head.

"Of course I want to spend forever with you Edward." I said in a sob and threw myself at him, knocking him to the ground.

He laughed, pulling me closer to him as I ripped the ring out of the box and placed it on my finger.

" I'm going to be Mrs. Edward Cullen." I said in between kissing him

"In mind you have always been just that."

"Will we always be this happy?" I asked running my fingers through his hair as I looked him in the eyes.

"Yes, because we were meant to be together Bella."

"And you will love me when I am old and wrinkly?"

"Yes, just as you will love me."

We spent the night in euphoria of the idea of being married, being together for the rest of our lives.

Edward was right, we would be together forever.


	5. AN

Hey my lovely readers J

I am so sorry for the very long long stop on my writing but life has dealt some very hard blows.

I have receive many emails asking me to please continue this story and I do have plans to I just need to be able to get back on track in personal life first. I promise I will finish this.

Love

Goo


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